Who went to the cross country today? I sure didn't!
Tell me, why does the school insist on making us poor weak little nerds sit out in the sun all day?

This question was tormenting me last night. I could not sleep at all! 'Why?!' I screamed out into the nether. WHY!!?!?!?!?

And then, like a bolt of lightning, or a can of Red Bull, it struck me.

The reason? Mr. Zabell, Mrs. Mitchell, Mr. "I'll give you a lollipop" O'Brien...they're all just out to get us!

Think about it.

1) The sun! Who likes the sun!? No-one! Except maybe solar panel technicians, but even they must get sick of it. There it is, cruelly and sadistically shining on us, heating up our planet, and giving us sunburn. And it's really dangerous too...ever heard of rainstroke or moonburn? No? That's because they don't exist! But the sun!? It's evil! It's almost like on the 8th day, God said "you know, I reckon I'm going a little easy on them. Let there be a great big fire in the sky which causes so much grief!". And it killed Prometheus (or whoever that Greek bloke was who flew too close). Moral of the story. Sun=Bad.

Buttt....our school insists we sit out in it on cross country day, cheering on the three people who aren't too overheated to run.

2) The freaks who actually run.
Don't get me wrong. Running is good. It puts hairs on your chest. But we're a nerd school! If you wanna run, fine. Go to Berkeley High. But don't come to our school, and then proceed to stand over me, sweat pouring from your face, and little short shorts that would make Chesty Bond blush! My God, just the thought of it makes me feel dirty. Now I'll have to cleanse myself by doing some 4 unit!

3) It's in Towradgi.
Enough said. I mean, even the cityrail lady can't pronounce it. So it musn't be a real suburb.

4) Year 12s trying to get money for Breast Cancer. Look, I'm happy to give money in the vain hope that some day, somehow, they might find a cure for an incurable disease. But please, wearing Budgie Smugglers doesn't achieve that!

5) Year 10/11s pashing. Yep, I said it. Pashing. Because there's no other word for it. They just stand in a circle, drooling all over each others faces, and having competitions to see how far they can get their tongues down each other's throats. Yum. I just can't wait until one of them gets Glandular fever! Then bam! half the school will be gone.

And guys, we can see you. Seriously, we can. And it's not classy. Get a room. Or even better, start acting your age.

So there you have it. That's why I don't like cross country. Sleeping at home is so much better!