The View from the Top: Laptops
It’s simple—laptops. Most of the students walking around with them were probably in nappies when, in 2007, Kevin Rudd promised that ‘every Australian student will have a laptop’. It was such a bizarre policy pledge—why laptops? Why not teacups, or kittens? And so we all laughed it off. But we were oh-so-wrong. Kevin, it seemed, didn’t seem to mind if Australian children were starving, bleeding or growing third arms. As long as they had laptops, it would be alright. You can imagine what he must have been like as a father:
Child: “Daddy, I’ve got a papercut!”
Kevin07: “Don’t worry son, have a laptop!”
But enough about politics. Let’s talk about Smith’s Hill. Thanks to Kevin07, now every second sevie in the school is walking around with laptops. And I use the term ‘laptop’ very, very loosely. These ‘laptops’ are just two pieces of aliminium stuck together with superglue with a pathetic excuse for a keyboard tacked on. They have R.S.I, short-sightedness, bad posture and poor social skills written all over them!
But…these kids treat them as some kind of technological demi-god. In class, they have them open; playing solitaire instead of listening to Mr. Rankine’s famous anecdotes. In the playground, they mindlessly draw little squares with the mouse on the desktop. What is this?! When I was a sevie, I played ‘tip’ games fraught with pre-pubertal sexual tension! Not minesweeper!
The worst bit is what the ‘cool’ kids do with their laptops. The think that it’s ‘fully-hectalicious’ to ‘pimp’ their laptops. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we have groups of kids parading around E-block with their ‘pimped’ laptops. Apparently this means putting Edward Cullen stickers next to communist slogans, with no apparent concern for the ideological problems this creates. Seriously though, putting stickers on your laptops does not make you cool. Do you seriously think we need to compound our nerd-school status further?
So here’s the moral. Leave your laptops at home, learn some social skills, and enjoy life. You’ll probably find it’s a lot better than becoming an awkward myopic dag. Which, come to think of it, sounds a lot like the Prime Minister who’s responsible for this whole mess. Smells like a conspiracy to me!
October Boy
Note: This article was written for Smog by a third party, and does not necessarily represent the views of Smogblog or its administrators.
5 comments:
Great article, I really enjoyed reading it
sounds a lot like the old smog mcsmoggy though? hmmm
You do realise that the poor children with those over-designed paperweights don't really have a choice in using them right? Although being in the "cursed" year, I feel that it was better that we missed out on them in the grand scheme of things after seeing how miserable a lot of the year tens are with them
Child: “Daddy, I’ve got a papercut!”
Kevin07: “Don’t worry son, have a laptop!”
OH EM GEE this is hilarious
@ Anonymous
They don't have a choice? Can't they just use pen and paper?
@ Reeper
Thanks!
@ October Boy
As part of the first year to have these laptops, I can say Anonymous is right. My laptop is currently out for 're-imaging' - whatever that is - and has been for a month now, but in many instances we've been told to 'take out your laptops and google *insert topic name here*' or to 'take notes on your laptop and email them to me so I can make a list to print off' (which makes no sense to me, but apparently it's essential) or to 'research your chosen topic and present to the class what you have discovered at the end of the lesson'. If you don't have your laptop in class, you end up writing essays or collecting homework...
I really don't like this idea.
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