Another week, another column. However, this isn’t just any week- it’s the week in which I’m supposed to be getting my laptop. However, this is being arranged by the NSW government bureaucracy, and like any bureaucracy, anywhere, ever, it abides by certain mysterious laws unbeknown to the civilised world. As far as I can gather, the general gist of these rules is that nothing can happen until it has been suggested by at least three members of the Committee For Thinking Of Things To Do, voted on, sent to a sub-committee for a feasibility check, a report has been made in triplicate and sent to the wrong email, an official strategy has been discussed, typed, and sent to the Premier, Governor, Pope and Elton John for personal approval as per the NSW Official Strategy Act (Section 12c (Subsection 542 (Paragraph 9 (Sub-clause b)))), all involved parties have been made to sign a confidentiality agreement punishable by the removal of their first-born son, an order has been made in the wrong colour and returned twice, the correct order has been accidentally sent to Peru, and the Chairman’s pet cat has officially sanctioned the process. As a result, sometime between graduating from Year 12 and starting university, by which point we’ll all be using quantum optical DNA carbon-based computers to hack into the Pentagon, I will receive a letter in the mail informing me that there may be a slight delay in the arrival of my laptop and that the Department of Education and Training sincerely apologises for any inconvenience caused.


However, does this really matter? As another writer has said before, these laptops have about the educational value as a brick, the main difference being that a brick generally doesn’t encourage bad posture or give you eyestrain. Sure, you don’t have to carry as many books and can access the internet, I can tell you from typing this that books are a lot better. If you forget your computer, you can’t rip a few megabytes of hard drive off the person next to you and use that instead, not can you ‘accidentally’ forget to print off your assignment- unless you simultaneously ‘accidentally’ delete it from your laptop. As well as that, while I admit you can’t play games in your book, you can still draw, write notes to your friends next to you, or vacantly stare out the window while you count down the minutes until the bell; not to mention the fact that most serious ‘gamers’, for whom the three options listed above are as alien as riding a camel to school, would already have their own laptops. Ones with computing power greater than the average abacus, which puts them in a league far above the laptop I won’t be getting this week. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go check my email- I just received a random 5-page feasibility check regarding a shipment of staplers.

Eric M.

This article was written for Smog by a third party and does not necessarily represent the views of Smogblog or its management.