Right. Column. Turn off minesweeper, start thinking of ideas. What’s happened recently that’s in any way interesting? All I can remember from the news is something along the lines of a politician being scientifically linked to vitamin deficiency and a diabetes drug resigning over an affair, so perhaps not. It’s a pity the news isn’t as interesting as it could be; although there is the occasional out-there article, and the letters to the editor section can occasionally be amusing, but nothing better than the comics. However, we do have it better than many others. Pity the 1.something billion Chinese who can’t get any non-state-approved news; even more so the North Koreans. There’s a lot of comic potential there, along the lines of man-walks-into-a-missile humour. Perhaps Kim Jong-Il and Hu Jintao can get together with Jerry Seinfield and Bill Bryson to try and add some comic relief into their respective medias.

Now that I think about it, this is a great idea; on par with those thought up at 3:15 am at a sleepover, after 3 too many cans of energy drink and as much sugar as you body is physically capable of consuming. I intend to email it to the UN at the next available opportunity, and I see no reason why the PRC, DPRK, US, EU and other important acronyms will not immediately make it mandatory to include at least 1 stand-up comedian on the staff of every journalistic agency they have. Apart from the ratings, imagine what it could do to national pride- think of how quickly WWII could have finished if Churchill had added the occasional ‘ya mum’ joke into his iconic rallying speeches. Allied morale would have been boosted beyond belief, and the war effort would significantly improve. Humourless Hitler wouldn’t have stood a chance.

Then there was the Cold War. I could go on about this for pages, and there’s probably someone somewhere in the US who has. I believe Monty Python did a skit on it. Imagine is the Russians had taken advantage of the potential in ‘That’s what Senator McCarthy said’; we would all be hailing the sickle and cross while listening to the latest offering from Comrade Ruddski.

Yes, I do realise how politically incorrect that paragraph was- I managed to insult Russia, Communism, Senator McCarthy, Kevin Rudd and the USA in 4 sentences, which probably represents some deep-seated psychological dissatisfaction at politics that will culminate with a shoot-out at Parliament House in several years time.

Anyway, after going off on that tangent, I must link this back to our school somehow. I know! Teachers! Think how much better teachers are when they make their students laugh- with them, that is, not at them. Compare the joke-making ** ****** with the monotonous ** ******. Which of these anonymous teachers is the most educational? I think we all know the answer to that.

Perhaps next election we can convince Rudd to give the nation a ‘comedian revolution’- at least 1 comedian per classroom for every high school in the nation. It would be quite possibly cheaper than laptops, especially if you hired all of those backpackers left over from NAPLAN and taught them jokes, quite possibly about 11-metre-per-second wombats. Classroom efficiency would improve and laptops would become needless as the appeal of solitaire drops significantly. The government would save millions, students would enjoy school and work harder, and hundreds of new jobs would be created. I, for one, can’t see any flaws.